OK, so I don't often discuss personal issues here because I know that a good deal of the people that come here don't know me well and therefore, won't care. But today, I need to vent. If you are looking for knitting content, come back later. I promise more knitting next week.
Some days it becomes a bit much to have two kids and a husband to take care of. There. I said it. Some days, it's a bit much taking care of just one kid, but we did have the hang of it and things were rolling along pretty smoothly before this baby was born. So, along comes number two and suddenly, I am without sleep on a daily basis. Seriously, I counted the number of hours of sleep I have had in the last week and it averages less than half the amount that I should have had. That makes for a tired and grumpy girl. And, I am sick. I have been sick for the last three weeks. My nose runs, my head aches, and I am exhausted all the time. I am seriously thinking that I have a sinus infection. Makes me think that the half a dozen sinus infections that I had after I had Bunny were partially a result of the lack of sleep I was getting.
I am also blown away by the amount of things that I do around here on a daily basis. I cook almost every night, I do laundry and wash dishes every day, I fix meals and get Bunny off to school every day. I make sure each room of the house is clean every day and try to do one deep cleaning chore every day. I research and sign Bunny up for her lessons and then make sure that she gets there on time with everything she needs. I feed and change and nurture Monkey all day and then feed and change and nurture her all night. I mend clothing and stuffies that have holes in them, I fold and hang up clothing that has fallen on the floor or come out of the laundry. I fix owies and I cuddle children. I make sure that there are bottles in the fridge for when I go and teach classes. And, I make sure that everyone gets what they need all of the time - vaccinations, book orders, Dr.'s, eye exams, dentist, and any other type of appointment you can think of; I make them.
Don't get me wrong, I love my children and I want to see them grow up happy and healthy which is why I do all of these things, but some days, I want some time to myself. I want to go to bed with TG at a decent hour and be able to spend some time with him. I want him to want to come to bed at a decent hour so that he isn't grumpy and hard to live with for days at a time. I want to be able to have the energy to enjoy my children and the things that they are doing. I want to have someone else cook the meals for a change and I want to have enough sleep to get over this illness. I want Bunny to start listening better and I want Monkey to sleep longer than two hours at a time. These are things I have no control over and I get that they will get better with time, but it doesn't make it any easier right now.
So, take the extreme fatigue and pair it with ongoing, nagging illness and it makes me irritable, teary, and super stressed. I have been trying my best to push through it because when you are a mom, you just do. Nobody gives a crap that you have just been up with a baby all night and are exhausted. Mom's just do. I get that. I don't want pity, I simply want to vent. I want to take five minutes, on my own blog to complain about how I feel.
If you are still here, thanks for sticking with me. I promise that this will not become a reoccurring theme. Knitting will return shortly. If you see me today, I will not snap at you or start to cry. In fact, everything will be fine because mom's just do. Trust me, I get that.