Saturday, October 13, 2007

Can I Rant for a Moment??

OK, so I don't often discuss personal issues here because I know that a good deal of the people that come here don't know me well and therefore, won't care. But today, I need to vent. If you are looking for knitting content, come back later. I promise more knitting next week.

Some days it becomes a bit much to have two kids and a husband to take care of. There. I said it. Some days, it's a bit much taking care of just one kid, but we did have the hang of it and things were rolling along pretty smoothly before this baby was born. So, along comes number two and suddenly, I am without sleep on a daily basis. Seriously, I counted the number of hours of sleep I have had in the last week and it averages less than half the amount that I should have had. That makes for a tired and grumpy girl. And, I am sick. I have been sick for the last three weeks. My nose runs, my head aches, and I am exhausted all the time. I am seriously thinking that I have a sinus infection. Makes me think that the half a dozen sinus infections that I had after I had Bunny were partially a result of the lack of sleep I was getting.

I am also blown away by the amount of things that I do around here on a daily basis. I cook almost every night, I do laundry and wash dishes every day, I fix meals and get Bunny off to school every day. I make sure each room of the house is clean every day and try to do one deep cleaning chore every day. I research and sign Bunny up for her lessons and then make sure that she gets there on time with everything she needs. I feed and change and nurture Monkey all day and then feed and change and nurture her all night. I mend clothing and stuffies that have holes in them, I fold and hang up clothing that has fallen on the floor or come out of the laundry. I fix owies and I cuddle children. I make sure that there are bottles in the fridge for when I go and teach classes. And, I make sure that everyone gets what they need all of the time - vaccinations, book orders, Dr.'s, eye exams, dentist, and any other type of appointment you can think of; I make them.

Don't get me wrong, I love my children and I want to see them grow up happy and healthy which is why I do all of these things, but some days, I want some time to myself. I want to go to bed with TG at a decent hour and be able to spend some time with him. I want him to want to come to bed at a decent hour so that he isn't grumpy and hard to live with for days at a time. I want to be able to have the energy to enjoy my children and the things that they are doing. I want to have someone else cook the meals for a change and I want to have enough sleep to get over this illness. I want Bunny to start listening better and I want Monkey to sleep longer than two hours at a time. These are things I have no control over and I get that they will get better with time, but it doesn't make it any easier right now.

So, take the extreme fatigue and pair it with ongoing, nagging illness and it makes me irritable, teary, and super stressed. I have been trying my best to push through it because when you are a mom, you just do. Nobody gives a crap that you have just been up with a baby all night and are exhausted. Mom's just do. I get that. I don't want pity, I simply want to vent. I want to take five minutes, on my own blog to complain about how I feel.

If you are still here, thanks for sticking with me. I promise that this will not become a reoccurring theme. Knitting will return shortly. If you see me today, I will not snap at you or start to cry. In fact, everything will be fine because mom's just do. Trust me, I get that.


Sara said...

I certainly did 'make it all the way through' your 'rant' and believe me, you deserve it.
Just because Moms just do it doesn't mean they should. We (Moms and non-moms alike) all deserve and should naturally get the support and breaks we need no matter what are tasks in life are.
It's too bad that society puts so much pressure on us (women). Would this kind of work load or stress ever be placed on men's shoulders? I highly doubt it. Doesn't seem fair does it? You know what? It truly isn't.
I wish you all the best and all the peace possible.

Poltzie said...

I hope that I am half as good a mom as you are!
If you need a break please call me, I would love to help you out.
ps. Ranting is good - rant away!

knittinggrammy said...

Rant away Mommy, sometimes that's what you really need - that and a "Mom" hour or two.....with a big glass of wine or a nice hot cup of tea....

Anonymous said...

Ranting is needed in the life of mommies. Don't feel bad about it at all. Always make time for yourself. You do, afterall, have three children (hee hee hee).

And remember, it doesn't matter if your dishes are done at the end of the day or if you've vaccuumed or if you've thoroughly scrubbed something. Trust me, I think it's great that you keep your house picked up, but when it's a choice between sanity or a clean house, I'm sure you AND your family will pick the former.

Finally, have you tried Happiest Baby on the Block with Monkey? It worked great for my daughter, and I can fully understand you needing some sleep!


solje said...

It's ok to rant! I no Martha Stewart, and just commented to hubby tonight (while watching something good being made on The Food Network), that I wished I liked cooking. He thought I did. Nope... I told it was a necessary evil. Now if I could just delegate more, I would be feeling much better about running my household.

I also have a baby, 7mos, and a 7yr old that we are homeschooling (make that, "I" am homeschooling). The dust bunnies live here, sometimes dishes don't get washed every night, and clothes don't get folded on a timely basis.

Take time for yourself--outside of the house and family, it sounds like you are burnt out. And (I don't recall how old your baby is), babies do eventually start sleeping for more than a couple of hours. Our first two months was a nightmare, things are good now!

Amanda said...

Hang in there! I'm not a mom, but I can imagine how completely overwhelmed you feel right now. Do what you have to do to survive - hire a babysitter for an afternoon, tell the hubby to step up a little more with some of the house stuff, etc.

And rant anytime that you want - and never feel the need to apologize for it. This is YOUR blog and you control the content.

Australoknitticus said...

Man, you are some kind of saint. I reufse to do that much work and I only have the boy & 3 cats to look after. Delegate baby, delegate...

Australoknitticus said...

I meant, of course "refuse", not whatever I just wote!

Gina said...

I had a good old blog rant myself a couple of weeks ago. It was quite along the same lines as yours. You know what Trish? You're right! Moms do what needs to be done, because it needs to be done. Sometimes we do want to chuck it all and go hide in a hotel room for a couple of days with room service and the remote (sometimes with the man). You are right about something else too need enough rest to get well. Give yourself permission to lighten the load. Skip some of the chores - trust me, they'll still be there when you feel better - put your feet up with a cup of tea and a sock or something. Ask a neighbour to take Bunny to wherever she needs to be. Ask a friend or hire a sitter to watch the baby while you take a nap. Instead of cooking order in or pick up a frozen lasagne and a bread stick. Cut corners and unload whatever you can to allow yourself a few days of rest.

Heather said...

I totally understand where you are coming from! Motherhood and running a household are tons of work especially when you are sick! And it's a vicious circle, must be a good mom, must be a good wife, no sleep, still sick. I am sure you are doing a wonderful job, and you absolutely deserve to rant about it!
Mom's do just do, but that doesn't mean that they can't vent, and ask for help every once and a while.
I wish you all the best and strength in your day to day work, and it will get better.

Morgan said...

*huge hugs*

Being a mom ... I understand. Completely. Rant away and know that you have a ton of support out in blogland.

granolagirl said...

Oh my dear,
You hold it together so well. You need to lighten up on yourself and ask for more help. If you only do a deep cleaning thing once a week, it would not be the end of the world (I'm lucky to do one a month). Call on someone to watch the kids for an hour even if you stay home and have a bubble bath, make it clear that this is your time and you are not to be bothered, I did this type of babysitting gig tons when I was younger, its called a "mom's helper", and it sounds like you could use one. Either that or order a few healthy frozen meals from a caterer a week. I know a few of them specialize in this type of thing, that way you can delegate someone throwing it in the oven and voila, free time for mom. Know that you have friends you can ask for help as well, even if its just for an excuse to get out of the house!

aunty tink said...

Hello....Hello....It's me...over here...the neighbour. If you ever need a break or want a coffee, or a visit and some knitting time, I'm here...within walking distance even! And then you could see what a house in serious need of deep cleaning looks like.